Called to Serve - #215

Today we’re going to invest our time here to share with you some stories about what God is doing through what we call The Pure Man Ministry.

Learn more about the ministry of The Purity Coach at  http://www.thepuritycoach.com

Transcript

The next two episodes will be a bit different from our usual time together. Today we’re going to invest our time here to share with you some stories about what God is doing through what we call The Pure Man Ministry. So …

Welcome to The Point of Purity Podcast. A powerful weekly study filled to the brim with the all the tools from Scripture you will ever need to build a lasting life of Biblical purity and godliness. I’m your host Steve Etner – author, National Speaker, Certified Professional Mentor TM and Purity Coach for The Pure Man Ministry and this is Episode #215 entitled “Called to Serve”.

I’d like to open today’s episode with a question  for you to seriously consider. It’s a simple question, but it is also a very important one each and every one of us must address. Here it is: Do you truly believe that pornography is a serious problem in the church today? The key words in this question I want you to be sure and latch onto are the words “in the church.” Do you truly believe that lust and pornography are a serious problem in the church today? Let me probe a bit deeper. Do you believe, do you fully understand that lust and pornography are a serious problem in YOUR church?

In our ministry (which we call “The Pure Man Ministry” – a.k.a. “The Purity Coach”) over the last 13 years I have had the distinct honor and privilege of traveling all over the nation keynoting and teaching at conferences and retreats, guest speaking in churches on Sunday ... talking with men, pastors, counselors, deacons and elders - and here’s what I’ve observed: Everyone agrees that lust and porn are a growing problem in the world today. HOWEVER, very few truly understand just how deep into the Church its tendrils have dug.

A staggering 70% of Christian men and 33% of Christian women admit that they watch porn on a regular basis. I believe that a major reason for this is that mainstream media – for years now – has been slowly altering the way we perceive sexually charged content. In a recent national survey of fundamental Christians, conducted by an organization known as the George Barna group, it was revealed that 76% of adults – Christian adults – under the age of 40 feel that a fully nude image is NOT pornography. In that same survey it was also revealed that 64% of youth pastors and 57% of pastors struggle at some level with pornography.

All across the nation our churches are finding themselves ill-equipped and unprepared to address this menacing monster that is attacking their men, destroying their families & ripping apart their church from the inside out. Now, in the midst of all of this let me give you a note of encouragement – there is a ray of hope:  you & I together can be an integral part of the solution to this problem. 

Let me start by telling you about the ministry and service we provide. 13 years ago God led us to begin what is now called “The Pure Man Ministry.” The purpose of The Pure Man Ministry is simple: to show men how to be free from the pull of porn, the lure of lust, and the magnet of masturbation. 

My primary role in this Ministry is training guys on how to develop the Biblical skills they need to defeat lust, porn & self-gratification in their lives. To accomplish this there are 3 legs (if you will) to this ministry.  1st -  I meet, on a weekly basis, 1-on-1 with men literally across the globe; and I have the distinct honor of coaching and mentoring these men who are battling with this powerful sinful habit.  

God has even opened doors of opportunity for me to minister to men from as far away as China, Ethiopia, Denmark, Australia, Rwanda, Nigeria, and India. I am so deeply honored to come alongside of these guys on a weekly basis, taking them into the Word of God, studying Scripture with them, training them how to take captive their thoughts, and guiding them in how to hide God’s Word in their heart so they can use those verses in moments of temptation. I also work with them on understanding what accountability is, why they need it, and how to find the right accountability partner.  

The 2nd leg of our ministry involves my wife. Heather is a major part of this ministry as well. Not only is she my help mate, prayer partner, cheerleader, financial consultant and trusted confidant – she mentors the wives of men who are battling with sexual purity – she is working with wives who themselves are struggling with a plethora of emotions (anger, bitterness, hatred, worry, fear, anxiety, love, confusion, self-doubt). My wife has the unique privilege of walking them thru Scripture, praying with them, guiding them in how to process through it all in a Biblical, God-honoring way. And together we work with couples – helping them find hope, healing and restoration in their marriages.  

And then the 3rd leg of our ministry is sitting down with pastors and men’s ministry leaders with the specific goal of raising their awareness of the severity of this issue and the impact it is having not only on the men of their church but on their church families as well. I then coach them and train them in how to adequately address those issues in a positive way. 

According to that survey that was done by the George Barna Group … 73% of pastors feel only partially equipped to deal with porn when someone comes to them for help (now remember that porn is the #1 struggle facing Christian men today) and the majority of our pastors don’t feel they can effectively handle the problem – the survey goes on to reveal that only 7% of fundamental Bible-believing, God-fearing churches have a program in place to help their men with sexual purity – the #1 issue our men are battling against, and 93% of our churches are doing nothing about it. So, part of The Pure Man Ministry is helping church leadership develop a strategic plan of purity where they can then reach their men right where they’re at and draw them into a deeper relationship with Christ – which is the foundation to building a real, lasting victory over sexual impurity. 

One of the greatest joys of this ministry is when we can see a positive end result to what we’re doing.  I remember, not too long ago, I had just finished speaking to a group of about 250 men at a men’s equipping conference on the topic of purity. A gentleman in his mid 30’s came up to me, grabbed my arm & pulled me aside. Visibly shaking, tears in his eyes, he introduced himself as Dave – a pastor from Massachusetts. “Steve, I need to tell you something that no one on the face of this planet knows” he stops, begins to choke up, buries his face in his hands and begins to weep.

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder & said a quick prayer. Dave then proceeded to say, “Steve, I’ve been battling an addiction to lust and pornography all of my life and no one knows about it, not even my wife – it has gotten so out of control that I have begun sexually flirting with one of the women in my church …  I’m scared Steve, and I don’t know what to do!”  

Dave’s confession began a 7-month long time of coaching and mentoring. Dave I would meet together over the phone for an hour or more each week. During that time, we prayed together, we wept together, we studied God’s Word together and I had the awesome privilege of having a ring-side seat watching God do an amazing work in Dave’s life. 

Today three of his deacons are his accountability partners, his wife is not only aware of his battle for purity, but she is fully supportive of him. Recently, in our weekly phone call, Dave shared with me that on four separate occasions he’s had members of his congregation come up to him saying “Pastor – you’re different!  You are much happier, your preaching is more powerful, you have a bounce in your step … what’s happened?”  & Dave is able to share with them the impact that the cleansing and restorative power of God’s Word, God’s Grace, God’s Mercy and God’s never ending love has had on his life.

Have you ever experienced the rollercoaster effect of life – have you had a significantly high point only to find yourself plummeting rapidly down to a low point? As I’m sure you can imagine, this ministry we’re involved in has both high points and low ones.  Not too long ago, I was on the low side of things.  I was on my way to speak at a conference.  During the drive, I was praying desperately for a miracle – something to let me know I’m on the right track.  Basically, I was asking God to give me some sort of sign that would tell me we really are doing what He want us to do.  

Typically, when I speak at conferences, I am given a table to display my books and other products I make available to the guys in attendance.  I always try to bring either one of my sons, or a guy from our church with me – 1) to keep me company on the trip 2) to keep me pure & accountable in the motel room and 3) to manage my table so I am free to engage in 1-on-1 conversations with the men.  Unfortunately, I had to make this specific trip alone.  

Well, when I arrived at the church, I was graciously assigned a gentleman from that church who was at my disposal for the entire conference.  He smiled at me, shook my hand and introduced himself as Doug.  I quickly explained to Doug how things work, and the conference began.  Near the end of the day, Doug walks up to me, wraps his arms around me – pulls me tight into a bear hug, buries his face in my neck and began to weep.  

As I’m standing there in this large gymnasium w/ hundreds of men milling about, awkwardly holding this emotionally stricken man in my arms, all I could hear him say over and over again was “thank you, thank you, thank you.”  Finally, he takes a step back and said “Steve, this was exactly what God wanted for me.  Of all the men that could’ve helped you manage this table; God wanted me to be here because I’ve been battling with this specific problem all my life.”  Doug proceeded to tell me that he’d gone thru 2 failed marriages – destroyed because of this addiction, and his 3rd was presently falling apart.  He looked at me, shook his head & said:  “I had given up all hope of ever being free.  Today God has used your testimony and the Scriptures that you’ve shared to show me there is hope, and I can be free … thank you so much!”  Talk about God answering prayer with a miracle!  Wow!

What continues to keep me going in this ministry is the amazing power of the Word of God! A year ago, a young man named Phil, in his early 30’s, married with 2 young children, came to me entrenched in his addiction to pornography and having been just caught in an affair. As if it were yesterday, I can remember him sitting across the table from me saying, “Steve, no matter what I do I can’t get free from this thing. I don’t want to do this anymore. It’s not just ruining my life; it’s destroying my marriage. Why can’t I stop?” 

You know, Phil’s story is multiplied 1MIL times over in the hearts and lives of men literally all across the globe. Men need help – help that only God can provide. Over the next few months, I had the deep honor & privilege of taking Phil into Scripture and teaching him the truth of Proverbs 23:7 - “As a man thinks in his heart so is he”.  I helped Phil to understand that what we think becomes what we do.  That’s why Romans 13:14 commands us to not even think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh – what we think will become what we do. Romans 12:2 commands us to live a transformed life … but then it tells us that the only way we can do that is by renewing our minds / changing the way we think.  Why?  Because what we think will become what we do.  So, in this ministry, as I work daily with men like Phil, it is an honor to teach them how to apply 2 Corinthians 10:5 to their lives, training them on how to take captive every thought and make each and every thought obedient to Christ.  You see, if we are going to glorify God in our everyday living, He must first be glorified in our every moment thinking.  Why?  Because what we think will become what we do!

Have you ever heard of the phrase “getting a return on your investment?”  It simply refers to getting something of value back because of what you put into it.  I’m reminded right now of a cold winter day in January of 2022, as I opened the mail that just arrived, I collapsed into my chair in total shock at what I was holding in my hand.  A gentleman - whom I will call “Tom” to protect his identity - had written a check for $3k to our ministry.  With that check came this letter:  

“Steve, I thank God for giving you the vision I have been praying for.  Purity is so desperately needed in our hearts and in our homes and we need someone on the front lines declaring the message of hope and healing that only God can give.  Thank you for acting on the vision God has given you.  It is a blessing for me to be able to help you in this small way.  I am also committing to praying for you as you minister to men.  Know that I am standing with you.  Spare no words, declare Truth!”

I am so eternally grateful “Tom” who not only sees the growing need but wants to do something about it. I thank God for people who understand the spiritual battle that is taking place in men’s hearts and want to invest in what God is doing.  As I said a moment ago … Men need help – help that only God can provide.  Every morning, after Heather leaves for work, I head into my office and begin my day by checking my email.  Almost daily I am receiving emails or texts like this one from a gentleman I’ll call “Jeremy.”  Here’s what he said:

I am a man in desperate need of prayer. I have been struggling with porn addiction since I first had access to a computer. I’ve never been able to find peace in this. I am in the 2nd year of my marriage and my 1st child is mere weeks away from gracing this world with it’s presence. I need help. I have never had accountability partners who knew what to do or were even willing to keep up with me. I am now beginning to lose hope. PLEASE Help!

Here is a text I recently received from a guy we’ll call “Craig” who said …  “Steve, I need help! I’m too embarrassed to seek help locally.  I don’t want to tell my wife because it would hurt her too much. What should I do?”

These 2 notes represent hundreds of thousands of men who need help – your help and my help.  So, let me ask you a question … a question Heather and I have had to wrestle with:  Is it worth it?  Is this ministry worth the time we must give, the energy we must expend, the finances we have to commit, is it worth the heartache and frustrations we have to endure?  

To answer that question, let me tell you about a pastor named Mitchell.  Mitchell truly saw God bless his ministry.  His church was growing, souls were being saved, lives were being changed.  But secretly Mitchell held a deep dark secret – he was addicted to porn.  That addiction led to more than one affair.  Eventually he was caught, his sin was revealed and his career in the pastorate was over.  Discouraged, depressed and despondent, Mitchell attempted suicide.  Fortunately, that attempt failed.  Even so, Mitchell continued in his addiction, he continued to look at porn, and he continued to spiral deeper and deeper into his sin.  His marriage was literally falling apart in front of him.  His children had lost all respect for him.  And he eventually turned his back on God.  

It was then, when Mitchell was at his lowest, despondent, discouraged, disgusted and depressed, it was then that a man by the name of Roger sat down with Mitchell and began to take him deep into the Word of God.  

As they studied Scripture together, the Holy Spirit began to change Mitchell’s heart.  Slowly at first, hardly perceptible, Mitchell was becoming a different man.  He began to hate his addiction; he began to have a genuine hunger for the Word of God and a growing desire to know the God of the Word.  He also began to love his wife and his children in a whole new way.  For a total of 12 months, he continued to meet with Roger weekly.  They continued to study God’s Word together, and God continued to work in Mitchell’s heart.  Today Mitchell is porn free, his marriage is amazing, his family is restored, and he is now back into full time ministry.  Although on the 1 hand, Mitchell’s story tells of the destructive power of lust & pornography, on the other it is also a story of the amazing power of God’s Word, God’s love, God’s Grace, God’s Mercy – and God’s forgiveness.  Believe me, I know … you see, my middle name is Mitchell.  So, is it worth it?  We’re here to tell you it is!

Before I wrap up this episode, I have one more email I’d like to share with you. It came to me from a gentleman I’ll call “Ed.” I had the honor and privilege of coming alongside of “Ed” and mentored him. He graduated from our Point of Purity Program with flying colors. Shortly after his graduation he wrote me these words:

“I had been in bondage to pornography and sexual sin for 50 years. It had destroyed one marriage and was threatening to destroy a second. I had tried many different methods and ways to overcome this sin but couldn’t seem to find the freedom I longed for. My job and other responsibilities prevented me from participating in a residence program and I was beginning to lose hope of ever having victory over this sin that plagued me.

It was at this point that I learned of you, Steve, and your Point of Purity curriculum. After speaking with you on the phone, I enrolled in your Point of Purity Program and embarked on a journey that has changed my life. From the onset, I knew this was going to be different than other programs that promote purity.

First, Steve, your focus was different. Books, workbooks, and seminars I had tried before focused on pornography and sexual sin. This caused those things to be in the forefront of my mind. But you focused entirely on God and His Word. As a result, that is what remained in the forefront of my mind. 

Secondly, when we had our weekly calls, it wasn’t as though I was calling a counselor. It was as though I was calling a friend. You are a friend who understands the struggle, yet you would lovingly hold me accountable and ask me the tough questions that needed to be asked.

We began this 12-week journey and somewhere along the way, God met me, and a transformation took place. God not only freed me from the lust and sexual sin, but He revealed other idols in my heart as well. He showed me the pride, selfishness, and residual anger residing in my heart. As I began to allow the Lord to do His housecleaning, my love for Him grew as did my love for others. 

I won’t lie, your curriculum is intense. I questioned why I had read, journal, and breakdown scripture every day. Why not five days and have a couple of days to relax? But you were teaching me a powerful lesson. There are no days off in our battle for purity. We must be constantly vigilant, constantly in God’s Word.

Today I can say that lust, pornography, and sexual sin have lost their grip on me. As long as I continue to study, meditate on, and obey God’s Word, I will remain free. But I have to put in the effort every single day.

God has done a mighty work in my life. While He gets the praise and glory for what has happened to me, I will be forever grateful to you, Steve, for humbly, lovingly, encouraging and teaching me the truths that God used to change my heart.”

WOW! All I can say is Praise the Lord!

Invitation to Partnership 

Let me just say here that I am deeply honored that you have chosen to listen to the entirety of this podcast today.  I want you to know I don’t take that lightly.  I mentioned earlier -  I believe with all my heart that YOU & I together can be an integral part of the solution to this problem.  That is why I want to take this opportunity to invite you into a personal partnership with The Pure Man Ministry.  Heather and I genuinely want YOU to join us in being a vital part of this ministry.  Now as you’re considering that request, let me clarify that we are convinced that a partnership travels down a two-way street.  

Our responsibility in this partnership is to commit ourselves to 3 specific things: 1st ) being an extension of YOUR ministry to men, but not just to men - also to their wives and to their families & to the churches they attend.  Heather and I are committed to serving as YOUR hands, YOUR feet and YOUR mouthpiece in helping men find lasting victory, in helping wives find healing, and in helping marriages find hope and restoration, and in helping churches know how to reach out to and effectively impact the hearts of their men.  2nd) As your partner in ministry, we are dedicated to faithfully praying for you.  You are a VERY important part of this ministry.  Not only do we need prayer – you do as well!  So as needs arise in your life and the lives of your family members we consider it an honor and privilege to join with you in prayer.  Our 3rd commitment to you is this:  We are dedicated to keeping you current on the things that are happening in this ministry.  

Now, that describes our part of this partnership.  YOUR part in this partnership will also require 3 specific things:  1st) we’re asking you to commit to sharing your prayer needs with us so that we know how to most effectively be praying for you.  We really do want to be praying for you.  2nd) Your involvement in this partnership would also include investing a monthly $$ amount – whatever God places upon your heart to give – but we’re asking you to commit to partnering with us financially.  3rd) we would also ask that you genuinely and faithfully pray with us about very specific needs that we are going to share ONLY with our partners and then celebrate with us as we watch God meet those needs.

·                OK. Let’s hit the pause button until next week’s episode. In the meantime, if you’re interested in learning more about The Pure Man Ministry (what we do to help men across the globe find freedom and victory over sexual sin), be sure to visit our website at ThePurityCoach.com.

·                If what I have shared with you today has ministered to you, encouraged you, challenged you, would you please join our team of Point of Purity Partners as we seek to continue impacting our world by equipping and training men and women in how-to live-in purity, godliness, and integrity. Your financial / tax-deductible gift of any amount to this ministry will go a long way toward helping men and women find the victory and freedom that only Christ can – and will – give!

·                To give your tax deductible gift to this ministry today, simply go to ThePurityCoach.com and click on the Donate button in the upper right corner. And thank you for choosing to partner with us! 

·               And if you have not yet subscribed to this podcast, let me encourage you to do so today so you won’t miss any of our upcoming episodes! So, until next time this is Author, Speaker, Certified Professional Mentor TM and Purity Coach Steve Etner reminding you that if you are going to glorify God in your everyday living, He must first be glorified in your every moment thinking. 

·